Amazed

I'm amazed, yet again by people.
I've gotten a really good response to my painting.
(Which can be viewed here.)
I'm really not quite satisfied with it myself, but maybe if everyone else can find beauty in something that I see as so flawed,
Maybe it means that the way I think is right.
I've always seen beauty in small things, talking to strangers, opening doors for people, nature, cities, anywhere and everywhere really.
I guess I'm starting to try to convey that to everyone else.
And so far, people have been listening.
The strange thing is, this couldn't have happened at a better time.
I was starting to feel a little down.
I've been starting to remember things from a couple years ago that I had forgotten,
for good reasons.
It's brought back the nightmares and the feelings of defeat.
But mostly the fear, the mind blowing fear that you get when someone tells you they just want to die.
I had completely forgotten that he'd said that.
How?
How could I have forgotten something like that?
I remember very very vividly the look on his face after my father had pushed him down the stairs.
Pain mixed with fear and anger.
How could I have forgotten those words?
And I wonder if they still ring true these days.
I doubt it.
As impossible as it seems, I still wish you well, and maybe someday you'll get better.
I don't know if I ever should forgive you, but I will.
I always do.